Reflections - Day 21

Now that we're a few days aways from Hiva Oa, I find my self in a very reflective mood about our trip. I have to laugh when I think of what I thought this journey would be like. I envisioned myself meditating and doing yoga on the bow, doing sit ups and push ups in the cockpit, reading at least a book a week and learning how to use the sextant. I have done little to none of the items on the list. I greatly (let me stress GREATLY) underestimated the effect of living on a rocking and rolling boat for 3 weeks. It's mentally and physically exhausting to have to calculate each step and movement aboard. Successfully making a meal, putting on a pair of underwear, or drinking hot tea from a mug without dropping something or injuring yourself is a huge accomplishment.

I also wasn't prepared for the fear I sometimes felt. The boat would make new creaking noises, we would surf at 9 knots down waves or I would imagine hitting a whale/container. For the most part I could keep this anxiety in check...but I have had a few sleepless nights that I wasn't expecting.

I am an introvert who can usually always find a way to recharge my batteries alone...long runs, yoga, reading by myself in a room etc... I (and Chris) tried very hard to find some way to find alone time for me, but it really is impossible on this boat. The only room with a door we have is the bathroom, which isn't an ideal location. I never knew how devastating it is for my soul if I cannot find a place of solitude. This aspect of the trip was definitely the hardest for me.

Those were the unexpected challenges that I faced, but I've had some amazing highs as well. I never knew the colour blue could be so well...blue. The water is most magnificent crystal blue and no pictures will ever do it justice. Swimming in the middle of the great blue was also a highlight! The sunsets and sunrises have been breathtaking. I never knew there were so many stars in the sky or that the moon could shine so brightly. I take it for granted that I will see shooting stars every night. Our animal visitors were always welcomed (except maybe the flying fish)...dolphins and turtles are magical creatures.

I'm happy with how much I like myself without any distractions around. I probably sit for hours every day just thinking and I haven't gotten bored with myself. It's nice to know that when I strip off all the layers, I'm content with the girl underneath.

This has been a struggle and a beautiful experience.

I'm not sure I ever want to do this journey again, but I am super happy to have done it once in my lifetime.

Just the thought of land brings tears to my eyes. I am so very excited to get there...